Embracing Change or NOT

I am struggling to go to bed tonight because I know that life as I know it forever changes tomorrow. I am usually one that embraces change and looks forward to new situations so why am I struggling tonight? I think maybe it is because I have just had enough changes for one year. I think I have met my emotional quota this year. Some changes have been excellent and amazing and more than I could possibly dream into reality while others have been challenging to say the least. Graeme came home and has been such a bright and oh so happy addition to our family. Lily Wen continues to grow and define herself. As a Mom, I am so fulfilled and so BLESSED. Graeme has had 3 surgeries in the last year and bless his heart has more to come. He bounces back so quickly though and the way he spreads Joy is simply a gift. His language is expanding rapidly and even though his speech is hard to understand, he is persistant when sharing a message. The divorce has been our biggest challenge. I have tried to be very private about it on this blog but it has affected us all deeply and we still struggle to find the new normal if there is such a thing. In that area, we take things one day at a time. We had a wonderful summer and I had more time off than I have ever taken in the past to spend time with the wee ones, our family and friends. It has rejuvenated me and so we move forward.

This brings us to tomorrow when Lily Wen and I will visit the "big school" and her new kindergarten classroom. She will meet her classmates and visit with her teacher. I have been dreading this day all summer...WHY? I can say that it is because she is just too little (or petite) to go to the big school or I can tell myself that it is because I work 25 minutes away (and that is just too far, isn't it). In reality, she is growing up. I want to hold that sweet little baby that I held in China 5 years ago for the first time again. I want to watch her take her first tentative steps and listen to her first words again. I want to turn back that clock. I just want LIFE to slow down. It is going by way to quickly for me.

In the morning, I will watch my beautiful daughter embrace this change. She is nervous but so very excited. She is moving forward. She is passing another milestone in her journey of life. I will be excited and happy with her and she will not know how I am struggling on the inside as I watch her grow, ever seeking her independence. Am I ready for kindergarten? NO! I better get ready because she is ready! (Can you imagine when she goes to high school, wants to learn to drive or gets Married?) One day at a time. The new normal. Embracing Change or NOT!