Sunday, August 9, 2009

Embracing Change or NOT

I am struggling to go to bed tonight because I know that life as I know it forever changes tomorrow. I am usually one that embraces change and looks forward to new situations so why am I struggling tonight? I think maybe it is because I have just had enough changes for one year. I think I have met my emotional quota this year. Some changes have been excellent and amazing and more than I could possibly dream into reality while others have been challenging to say the least. Graeme came home and has been such a bright and oh so happy addition to our family. Lily Wen continues to grow and define herself. As a Mom, I am so fulfilled and so BLESSED. Graeme has had 3 surgeries in the last year and bless his heart has more to come. He bounces back so quickly though and the way he spreads Joy is simply a gift. His language is expanding rapidly and even though his speech is hard to understand, he is persistant when sharing a message. The divorce has been our biggest challenge. I have tried to be very private about it on this blog but it has affected us all deeply and we still struggle to find the new normal if there is such a thing. In that area, we take things one day at a time. We had a wonderful summer and I had more time off than I have ever taken in the past to spend time with the wee ones, our family and friends. It has rejuvenated me and so we move forward.

This brings us to tomorrow when Lily Wen and I will visit the "big school" and her new kindergarten classroom. She will meet her classmates and visit with her teacher. I have been dreading this day all summer...WHY? I can say that it is because she is just too little (or petite) to go to the big school or I can tell myself that it is because I work 25 minutes away (and that is just too far, isn't it). In reality, she is growing up. I want to hold that sweet little baby that I held in China 5 years ago for the first time again. I want to watch her take her first tentative steps and listen to her first words again. I want to turn back that clock. I just want LIFE to slow down. It is going by way to quickly for me.

In the morning, I will watch my beautiful daughter embrace this change. She is nervous but so very excited. She is moving forward. She is passing another milestone in her journey of life. I will be excited and happy with her and she will not know how I am struggling on the inside as I watch her grow, ever seeking her independence. Am I ready for kindergarten? NO! I better get ready because she is ready! (Can you imagine when she goes to high school, wants to learn to drive or gets Married?) One day at a time. The new normal. Embracing Change or NOT!


FHL said...

Sending a big hug your way Margaret...and know I'll be holding you in my prayers!!!


Chelley said...

I have been told that change isn't in my vocab so I SOOO hear what you are saying!!!

I sorry for the tough time you are going though at the moment! WISHING there was something apart from prayers and cyber hugs....

The big steps in life are the hardest!
I am really dreading school starting for Arli she is my baby! I thought the twins going off was tough but this is going to be much harder!!! (she doesn't start till JAN)

Mama Duck said...

Big hugs coming from me, too!!!

Jboo said...

Changes and new challenges can be so difficult! You're such an amazing and wonderful Mom -- I can just tell these things! Starting kindergarten can be hard (esp. on the Mom!), but I have no doubt that she is ready and you may be surprised at how much fun it is for her and you as you watch her learn and grow. Take care. Keeping good thoughts for you!


allie :^) said...

THAT was a TERRIFIC blogpost. right there w/ you babe. ;) allie

zsjmom said...

I think toddler-hood and preschool are my favorite ages, so kindergarten is a hard transition for me too especially when it is my baby going. However, I can honestly say I have enjoyed every stage right up to that smelly wrestling and football playing thirteen year old in my house. You will enjoy them all too, and kindergarten is lots of fun! I am praying for you. Love, Tamara

Faith, Hope, and Love said...

Margaret...I'm sorry its been an emotional year for you. Life is always changing and FAST! I honestly can not believe its August already. I always tear up on the first day of Kindergarten...but oh what fun times wait ahead for you and your wee ones! Its always sad to watch them grow but exciting in other ways.

Sending you a BIG HUG from St. Louis!

Waitingfaithfully said...

Catching up with you friend. I'm in the same boat . . . "Oh noooo not Kindergarten!" It happens way too fast, doesn't it?

You've had a tough year Margaret, but through it all you've hung in there and made the absolute best of it for you and for your wees. I'm proud of you!

Lily Wen will do great . . . and so will her precious mama once she has some time to get used to this new part of the journey!

Love from Texas~


redmaryjanes said...

Well, I will tell you that when my older boys went to kindergarten, it was really hard for me. I cried all day. I think it is just the fact that your baby is growing up. Hang in there, it's going to be ok. Zach graduates from high school this year and I know I'm going to be a train wreck. said...

Oh, Margaret!!! I feel your angst...that stronger-than-words urge to just stop time...I cried today when our boys left for school! I was still out there taking pictures of them, just like every other year! I think it means that we don't take our families or time for granted. It is indeed, so very hard. I remember you saying about AnnMarie, "If we can just get our foot in the door," of ASH - talking about KINDERGARTEN!!! Here she is about to begin 4th GRADE!!! Just keep on making the most of each day. We love you!!!