Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Emotions and Chaos

It is 5:00 a.m. here and I am wide awake and thinking about Graeme. It would be evening for him in China and he will be getting ready for bed. I wonder what it is like for him. I wonder how he goes to sleep each night. Is there a routine and is he warm enough? Did he get enough to eat? Does he sleep peacefully throughout the night? Did he get our package and does he know we are waiting? We are waiting not so patiently for our Letter of Acceptance to bring him home. It will probably come this week since I will leave later this morning to drive 5 hours from home to go to a conference. When the LOA arrives, our agency will overnight it to us and we are supposed to sign it and overnight it back. This week would be the most inconvient time for us so it will probably come now. Wes and I have decided that if it arrives that he will load Lily in the car and we will meet halfway so I can sign it and send it back. We want no delays to bring Graeme home. Of course there is supposed to be a combination of rain, sleet and snow all week between here and the conference. Just another added dimension making me even more sure that the LOA will come this week.

I think I am up so early this morning thinking about Lily as well and having to be gone from her for 2 nights. I used to look forward to the conferences and some time with colleagues. We always manage some girl time and there is the shopping of course. I just think that all of the emotions of these last few months are really getting to me. This wait seems never ending.

There is a family in China right now that are adopting a little girl from Graeme's orphanage. I love to read their blog each day. You can check in on how
Lainey is doing by clicking on her name. They are supposed to visit the orphanage on Friday (Thursday night for us) and will try to see Graeme while they are there. We have received word from our agency that he is doing very well but no specific information. The pictures that we have of him are almost a year old at this point and I know he has changed so much. They will try to get pictures of him while they are there. That would be the most amazing gift. They will also get to see first hand where their daughter spent the earliest part of her life. I am sure this will be an emotional journey for the whole family so please keep them in your prayers.

Wes and I have been working on Graeme's room and it is slowly but surely coming together. I wanted to take pictures of it and send another package to him this week with the pictures but we just didn't get it done. Little things just happened to make the project take longer than expected. I am leaving town with my house in utter chaos. There is clutter everywhere. For those that know me, yes, I am a clutterer but it is usually contained to one or two places in my house. Not NOW! We have part of Graeme's furniture in his room and part in ours. Part of the living room furniture in Graeme's room and up until late Sunday we had two very large mattresses in the living room right where you come in the front door. Plus there are odds and ends from each room in various places as we move furniture. You get the picture....Chaos! this makes it even harder to leave. I should probably be straightening instead of typing this but alas, I am trying to rid self of the chaos in my mind.

On Sunday evening, Wes and I were exhausted from work and bickered. Not a fight just bickering and both sharing our frustration over the little things. We are both tightly coiled and waiting to spring emotionally. The wait is getting to us all. It does not take much to bring those emotions to the surface.... a look, comment or the tone of his (oops ones) voice. We are all suspended in the place of knowing but not knowing. We know we have a son but don't KNOW him. We know we will travel soon but not when we will travel. We know we have lots to prepare but don't necessarily have all of the information needed to prepare. We continue to wait and not so patiently. So back to Sunday night...after the heat of the moment. Wes was reading to Lily. I secretly love listening to him read to her and hearing her giggle:) I was checking out different blogs when I came across this video of Eliot.

I am posting the link but if I were you, I would grab the tissue before you click on his name here. Eliot was here for such a short time but left some profound lessons for us. So I will embrace this day with all of the Emotions and Chaos, Laughter and Tears and Joys. I am trully blessed beyond words. Thank you sweet Eliot for the reminder.


Kelley said...

I'm hoping that things start happening so that you can travel soon to get your little darling! Hang in there, and have a safe trip!

Janelle said...

thank you for posting the link to Eliot. it was a beautiful testimony to the power of love.

AND know that I'm thinking of you and caring about the emotions of the wait. Your time is coming!

Bonnie'n'Clyde said...

Thanks for that beautifully-written and open post! I am wondering how that tension is going to affect us. I was just thinking about it this morning - as impatient as I am this month, it will be ten-times worse (and different) in the months after referral.
Here's hoping things move quickly for you, Miracles!