Three Word Sunday

MOVING FORWARD.... a little at a time!

While I was providing modifications for students taking our state's yearly assessment this morning, my cell phone vibrated. I turned it over and saw the (303) area code for our agency. I urgently asked, pleaded, begged or possibly screamed (it is a blur now) for the three students to put their pencils down, close their booklets and put their heads on the table. Okay so I was a boarderline drill sergent, but these guys know me and knew something was up as I ran from the room to get slightly better reception in the hall. I see our counselor who is over the exam and give some gesture to indicate that all is well (my heart was racing and I could barely breathe). One of the ladies from our waiting child department is on the other line. I knew that as of yesterday that they were e-mailing to see what was going on with our situation. We have now waited 129 days for LOA. She stated that they had finally received a reply to their inquiry and that we had moved forward. We are no longer stuck in the review room and are officially in the matching room. This is the last stop for our paperwork before the LOA is sent. Woo Hoo!!!! I think she was as happy for me as I was thrilled at that moment. I just can not say enough about the ladies in our waiting child program. One day, I will have to fly to Colorado because I owe them some major hugs!!! I quickly hung up the phone, danced in the hall and returned to testing. I could barely sit still as my emotional roller coaster had just taken a turn upward. I can't thank my blogging friends, friend friends and family enough for all of the support in these last months. Keep it up please. Soon, Graeme, very soon we are coming to bring you HOME!!!!

Suspended in Time

I just read on a friend's blog how calm and relaxed she is feeling at this point in her journey. I stopped and said a quiet pray that I hope that this feeling lasts for her throughout the wait. I then began to think about my own feelings. I feel suspended in time, stuck in this void of who knows where. My emotions are so raw and near the surface that the slightest scratch of that tender surface is able to evoke the rawest of emotion from tears to anger to joy. I listen to the sound of Lily laughing and I long to hear Graeme giggle too. I watch her enjoy playing outside on these beautiful Spring days and wonder if he is ever outside feeling the warmth of the sun on his beautiful face. I struggle when I read that someone is complaining about not yet recieving their LOA after only 30 something days and I trully want to scream. I know in my heart that I should not feel anger toward these other parents because their journey is uniquely theirs, but still I do. I maintained my serenity or sanity for the first 100 days of this wait but now...well now is different. I go through the motions of my day and enjoy the moments of joy. At the same time, I am always wondering...when will we go, when will we meet our son, when do I get to see him smile and hear him giggle and comfort him when he is sad. How much longer will we wait.

NEW PICTURES!!!!

This wait has been so long and as some of our closest friends know, I have had the hardest time over the last few days. When we got Graeme's picture, I projected when I thought we would travel and according to the projections, we should be in China NOW!! We aren't and are still waiting LOA....day 123 for those counting with me. I have just really struggled and worried about him over the last few days. We have been following Becky and Dave's journey to Cassie and they visited the orphanage last night/day China time and got to spend some time with our son. Becky is my newest hero as she got Graeme to laugh and be silly. These are the first non serious pictures we have seen of our son!!! They wrote about their emotional journey to the orphanage on their blog. You can click on Carlsen Crew in my list of favorite blogs and when you get to their home page, click on blog. Dave wrote the post and it is an amazing account of their experience!

Our first SMILE...Not only is he smiling, he is laughing out loud! We are thrilled!
His big sister, Lily, knows how to cut her eyes just like this....so CUTE!

Becky is giving our son a hug from his Mom and Dad

So Inquisitive

I am so ready to go get him!!!

He is getting bigger!

Now this is a shy look like the ones we are used too!!!

This is a quote from our e-mail from Becky, "So, a little about your boy! First of all, he is just darling! He hung back a little at first, checking us out. But as you can see, as soon as I picked him up he let out this big grin. Just warmed my heart. He is such a handsome little guy. He is a little taller than Cassie, and he was probably a little heavier as well. For size, you would be safe with 24mth, or 2T at the max, but I lean more towards the 24 mth..."

The information has really given me peace and hope. She also said, " :) It felt so nice to give him a hug, and I told him that Mama was coming soon. (if I could have packed him up, we’d have brought him home to you!) " If only she could have...sigh...! Soon Graeme Soon!

Girl's Weekend

Lily and Lily

Lily and I enjoyed a much needed girls weekend. Wes is completing his hours at the hospital for this semester in nursing school and was working 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. so we needed to be out of the house during the day for him to sleep. I also needed lots of time with friends to just TALK!!! Friday night Lily and I went to my friend Cindy's house. Lily played and danced and sang with Adeline while Cindy and I enjoyed some wine, pizza and a nice long chat!!! We later tucked the girls in bed and watched the funniest movie...British comedy...laugh out loud. After the stress of the week, this is just what I needed. We would have stayed the night but we had plans the next day with Heather and Lily.

On Saturday, Heather and I took our Lilys shopping and to the Knoxville Zoo. We had a long drive and lots of conversation while the girls watched a movie or sang to High School Musical in the back seat. The zoo was beautiful and we had a great time at the butterfly exhibit. I think the girls liked the camel ride and the carosel the most. This time and the talks with my friends, Cindy and Heather really rejuvenated my soul. It was also fun to see Lily Wen have so much fun with her girlfriends, Adeleine and Lily D. These Miracle girls really needed to have some fun and thanks to our friends, WE DID!!!!

DAY 116 in our wait and a belated Thank You!

First things First...Thank You secret pal. Each night I am going to take a picture to post of your most recent gift and each night I am dealing with the emotional upheaval of this wait and just don't get it done. I apologize. Your gift arrived when we came home from Lexington and was a wonderful and uplifting treat (much needed)!!! I love the onsie and jeans for Graeme and Lily has been sporting the cute flip flops and head bands and thinks that she is all that and then some! You asked for an update of sizes for both our little ones. Graeme is currently 25 pounds (with or without layers and layers of clothes...your guess is as good as mine but stay tuned because we may get another update) and he is 33.5 inches tall. I think he will be a little peanut but not quite as little as his older sister. At 4 1/2 years of age, Lily tips the scale at 30 pounds and is 38 inches tall. She is currently wearing mainly size 3 clothes, some 4s if they are made small. For pants and skirts, we pretty much have to have an adjustable waist or they fall off. She can easily wear her size 2 shorts from last summer!! She wears an 8 1/2 narrow in shoes (yes...hard to find but we manage). Thank you so much for always being so thoughtful and for always including Lily in your packages. She so looks forward to them each month. They are helping all of us with this WAIT.

So Day 116, I couldn't take it and called the agency again. CCAI is always wonderful and I just love talking to them even though they can't give me specific information because they don't have it. I know that they are pushing as much as they can to get it. They were told yet again that our paperwork is in process and should move quickly. China's idea of quickly and mine must be completely different. So here we wait and in China, he waits...keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I don't know if I can wait much longer!!!!

Re-Fingerprinting

Wes, Lily and I headed to Louisville this morning to be re-fingerprinted for our adoption...Wes and I not Lily. It was a little surreal to realize that next week on the 10th will be our 18 month anniversary of our first fingerprints. The fingerprints expire and you have to head back and update them....just in case either of us have committed any felonies in the last 18 months. It is just one more step in the process. While we were having them done, I knew that referrals and LOAs were probably coming in and they did. One family got their LOA in just 3 weeks. We have now been waiting 109 days. Where is the logic? This has been the most frustrating part of our adoption for Graeme. He is WAITING!!!! Please pray that we get ours soon. I just want to hold my SON and Lily wants to meet her BROTHER! She is asking more often when we are going to get him. We are all feeling the need to travel SOON! I just can't imagine waiting much longer.