I'm SPINNING!!!

Spinning - As defined by Wes, "A condition when Margaret has too many things on her mind and spins out of control if only in her own head while thinking of all the things she needs to do but will never get to do due to time constraints."

Tonight as my family sleeps and I should be sleeping, I am spinning. I am an admitted and hopeless Spinner when I get overwhelmed which is about now. We all had a great day for Graeme's birthday and now my thoughts are flying to all that we have to do in the next week. I have focused so much on what needs to be done at school while I am out and with my private practice kiddos that I have not done all I need to do to prepare for Graeme's surgery.

It is not as if we live in a city where we wake up the morning of surgery and drive to the hospital. Graeme is having surgery 4 hours from home. Due to the logistics and Wes being in nursing school, he is not able to travel with me. My Mom has flown in from Louisiana to help me while Wes stays home with Lily.

We will stay at a friends condo in Lexington tomorrow night (well now tonight...it seems that I have spun my way right into tomorrow). Then, we head to Louisville on Tuesday morning. It is all of the last minute things that we need to do. Like well ummmm, pack. See I was busy making today unforgettable for him and so I have not yet packed. We did get laundry done so the clothes are clean but the packing is not yet done. I don't want to forget anything we may need since we will be so far from home. But since I have never stayed overnight in a hospital with a small child, I am not quite sure all I will have to bring. The last time I stayed overnight in a hospital was with my Dad and well, I just can't open up to those emotions tonight. I am sure he will be checking in on us from heaven and I sure hope I feel his presence. Anyway....so I have been reading and following and listing suggestions but just have not had time to process what all I need to take. So since I too am a master of procrastination, I will throw it all together tomorrow.

I have also been trying to get Lily taken care of and making sure we had all of her outfits laid out for school and her dance bag ready for Nutcracker practice and a little one on one time on a day that has been devoted to her new brother. I struggle when I am away from Lily. I have lots of friends (angels really) waiting in the wings (with wings) to support Wes and Lily while I am away and that brings some peace tonight.

I also have two new patients that I am seeing through our birth to three program. I have meetings and therapy tomorrow with them before I can come home to pack and leave. They are twins who started life way to early and came home to a family member with anger issues who shook them very early in life. The result is two of the most amazing little survivors I have ever met. Sometimes I think I learn more through the children I work with than they will ever learn from me.

The thing I really can't even begin to think about is the actual surgery. As a pediatric speech therapist, I am more than anxious for him to get the palatal repair. As his mother, I see all that he is trying to say and would do just about anything so that others could understand his speech too. Also, there are times like yesterday when we are driving in the car and he is chattering away and I know that it is meaningful in his own head but I just don't understand him. Those moments make me want to cry. I recently screened the speech of a bunch of three year olds for our county and it hit me full force what all he should be saying. I know that he just came home from China a few months ago but he really is brilliant and is understanding so much and trying to communicate so many ideas and discoveries. The surgery worried me especially since the surgeon stated that he is not sure if Graeme has enough tissue to close the palate completely. Enough of these thoughts, I can't even go there tonight.

To make matters even more interesting, the Hand, Foot, Mouth virus is going around our area and Graeme may have a mild case. From what I have read, he was exposed anywhere from 3-5 days before symptoms and will carry the virus for up to a week after symptoms are gone. So the first question is would you call the doctor....if I do so, I am sure the surgery will be cancelled. Or would you go, let them see him and make a decision (I am leaning toward this).... Did I mention that my Mom flew in from Louisiana to help, it took 2 1/2 months to get a substitute therapist hired to cover my children at school while I am gone and we have had the surgery scheduled for 3 months? So we may or may not be having surgery on Tuesday! Either way, I think we could all use some positive thoughts and prayers right now. If surgery is postponed, please pray it does not take 3 more months to get it scheduled again....I don't want to wait that long to hear what my son has to say!