The Miracles...Lily Wen, Margaret, Graeme and Wes
Lily feeding popcorn to the deer.
Lily is very happy!
Lily feeding the black swans.
A beautiful peacock. 
Graeme is very happy as long as he is with his Daddy.
A tiger taken from much further away.
Lily and Aurora feeding the monkeys
The giant, lazy Panda
Wyatt, Aurora, Lily Wen and Graeme...aren't they cute?
Aurora and Lily
The Thinker
We spent this morning at the Hefei Wildlife Park. It was a wonderful zoo. There were very few cages with animals and most animals were in a more natural habitat. Lily really enjoyed feeding the 'reindeer' and Graeme did great riding in his stroller. Many of the animals were right out in the open and you could get very close which was amazing. We got to see a Giant Panda but it was pretty lazy and slept through our visit. I think Lily enjoyed feeding the deer and the swans the most.
The rest of the day we stayed close to the hotel. I focused on bonding with Graeme more but I have to admit that I am emotionally drained and Wes is physically exhausted. It is definitely giving us an opportunity to walk a mile in anothers shoes so to speak. I feel that I take one step forward with Graeme and then fall 7 behind and it is taking a toll on my spirits. I want to stay positive but this is really hard.
All week I have had full access to blogger and could check at least a little on how others were doing as I had time. Tonight, I really wanted to go to my Saturday Morning Chat and I can't access anything but posting to my own blog. I really needed the support of the other adoptive parents who have been there and done that. With that said, I am also having trouble reading the comments. Please continue to leave them because I hope this clears up and I can access again. They really do help. So that is pretty much it tonight. I just feel raw and exposed and even though I am sure these feelings are not helping the situation, it is where I am tonight. I mean I knew that this could happen. Knowing it in your head and experiencing it with your heart are two different things though. I am hoping and praying that tomorrow will be better for all of us.
10 comments:
Honey, I know this is heart breaking for you but remember Lily wouldn't go to anyone but her mommy for a long time. Graeme will come around real soon, but I know in the meantime you are really suffering. All my love and prayers are being sent to you all the way to China. When my baby girl hurts I hurt too. I love you with all my heart and wish I could make things happen sooner. Remember just one step at a time.
Love, Mom
I wish I had some great advice for you but I have not been there. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your family. Hang in there.
Hugs!
I wish I could give you a great big hug! Things will get better over time with yours and Graeme's bonding. I just KNOW it. In the meantime, it's great that he's bonded so well with his daddy. I know it must really hurt and be so hard (in your situation I think I would be in tears). But hang in there...God is with you, and it will all work out. Stay safe and well...get plenty of rest!
What you are doing right now with Graeme is perfect. Just try to be part of his daily routine as much as possible. Make some things just mommy things. It is not easy no matter what you do.
Both my girls only wanted me---no daddy or big siblings. It was a very hard time for all of us. I was exhausted, cranky, and frustrated while the rest of the family felt the same way. All I can say is it WILL get better. It may be like this until you get home though. Graeme is struggling with all the changes in his life. He is clinging to daddy with all his might and is having a hard time relaxing enough to allow mommy. He will. I promise!
It took Anna Grace being home in the US for a week or so before she was willingly going to people other than mommy. Abby was doing better by Guangzhou. It just depends on the child.
I looked at our time in China as strictly survival. Your life is not the same, your routine is very different, etc. Do what you need to make it through the rest of the trip. Encourage mommy time while there and as much as possible but really plan on focusing on your major bonding once you are home and in a familiar environment. That's what worked for us anyhow. And now both girls are attached to the hip to daddy, big sister, and big brother!
Oh Margaret,
I hope and pray that you can see your comments, and that you know many are praying for you.
I have never been in your shoes--only on the opposite side, the physically exhausted, clinging child side. I'm sure you would love to trade your emotionally drained self with Wes, who is physically exhausted. I can't imagine how you must feel, but I know in my heart that Graeme will come around in time. Hold on dear friend--it'll happen, in the mean time know that many are holding you up in prayer.
Sending hugs from Texas~
Tina
Margaret,
You are in my prayers! I know that it is hard for you right now, but just remember that right now you are dealing with so many emotions and you are totally out of your element. Just wait until you get home and get rested up and Graeme will be able to see the "real" mommy and he will fall in love with you. It's partly the age thing too. Andrew is all about his dada from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed, but when they really hurt or need comforting they want their mama and Graeme is learning that you are the one that he wants. I'm praying for strength for you and praying that Graeme will see how awesome of a mom you are. Take care!
Love ya!
Margaret, Such joy and such pain all at once...
Focus on the positivie moments and know that with each day the hard moments will be less and less. I look back on the pictures of Claire while we were in Hefei and I see a child under a great deal of stress. We thought she was doing so well (other than she refused to walk or stand for almost 4 weeks!), but it was only after a little time and bonding that we realized her smiles were not very real. Our kids are very traumatized those first weeks and months, each deals with it differently. I'm so sorry for your pain, but I'm so glad that Graeme has at least been able to reach out to your husband as his world is turned upside down. Soon he will feel more comfortable and he'll be able to trust more than just his dad. It doesn't help you now, but you need to remember it will get better and these first days will only be that... a few days out of all the years of love and joy you will have with Graeme. You are in my thoughts. Stay strong, care for yourself and keep reaching out to your son... someday soon he'll reach back.
Best Wishes,
Wendy Cater
Margaret, he will come around. I was just reading in an attachment book that it is very common for adoptees to reject women for a while, more common than the other way around. I know it has to be mentally and emotionally exhausting for both of you. It will be a process, but he will come around.
Your photos are gorgeous, and Graeme is a gorgeous boy.
Love to you.
Margaret-
Just popped in to see how things are going...it must be really hard to feel the way you are feeling so far from home! Thanks for sharing so honestly, though, it really helps those of us coming behind you!
Echoing the others - Graeme will come around. In the meantime - hang in there.
He's a beautiful little man - love the pics!
Thinking of you...
Laurie
CCAI WCP
Margaret,
You are in my prayers!
I wish I had some great advice for you but I have not been there.
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